We will fall though we’re still standing
We will learn though we know the truth
We will die though we’re still living
And we will dance, though we will not be moved
Taken from the song Hearts on Fire by David Casper
You know when things happen but you have no idea why they happen. When I was unsure about my faith I started hearing this song and it was confusing for me. How can someone fall even when they are still standing? How can we learn when we know the truth? How can we die when we’re still living? How can we dance without moving? All these questions without answers. But the more I got into my faith the more I had answers. These aren’t just physical actions but more spiritual and emotional.
My favourite lyric in that song is :We will die though we’re still living.
It makes me think of 12 steps. It’s letting go of our old self and letting our true, new, real self take over. This is a cycle, we often fall to our old self but it’s in these falls that we remember who we actually are.
Step one is admitting we are powerless
Step two is believing there is a Power higher than ourselves.
Step three is making the decision to align our will with God’s will.
Step three is such a challenge for me. Sometimes I know God doesn’t want me to do certain things and yet I turn my back and do it anyway.
For example: one evening when I was still in university I knew God was calling me to go see a certain friend, a friend that is very lonely but always smiling. Instead of visiting this friend I went out to the bar with my other friends and it looked like I was having a good time but I kept thinking about my lonely friend. Inside I knew I had made a bad decision, I was feeling shameful, afraid and even embarrassed, I had done things that night that I regret. When I got home that night I noticed that I had a few text messages and a voicemail. This only made me feel even more guilty. I wasn’t in the right state of mind but I still decided I would text my friend. He replied right away and then called me. We still talked for a bit but I felt like we should of had this conversation sober. This is a friend that I’m really close to but because I wasn’t in a right state of mind when we talked I feel like I broke the trust bond we had.
This situation didn’t stop here and there are more things I could say but I will stop here for now. We will die though we’re still living
When one is struggling with alcohol or any addiction in general it’s very hard to get out but thankfully this friend that I have gave me a boost and helped me on my journey to recovery. This person never gave up on me. This friend noticed that I was dead inside, I wasn’t being me and he was being honest about it. He once told me I want to talk to Céline not this animal you became. I was hurt when he said that but I wasn’t hurt because I felt insulted, I was hurt because I noticed what I was doing to myself. He never gave up on me and I can’t ever repay him for the journey we had together. Recovery is rough but having someone to lean on, to rant to, to smile with and someone you can spend time in silence with helped me.
I love you bud, keep being the man called you to be.
My Catholic Living