Monthly Archives: April 2016

My Promise

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I’ve been thinking a lot about my to be godson. He isn’t born yet but I still feel a deep connection with him. He’s definitely a fighter!

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Long story short my sister-in-law’s water broke in week 20 but thankfully she didn’t go in labour. Now, they are staying strong, fighting and celebrating that they made it to week 28! It’s not easy putting trust in God, knowing that we can’t do anything to change the situation other than pray and follow His will with an open heart.

Mathieu will be born a fighter, he will know the struggles of life but he will also learn that we are completely powerless. We need to acknowledge that God is on our side.

Mathieu,

You don’t know me yet but you will soon enough. I have heard so many things about you and I’m excited to meet you.  Read the rest of this entry

Last Saturday’s challenge

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As many of you know, I struggle with alcohol and I’m quite open about it. One drink leads to two and two leads to three and three leads to I don’t remember.

I haven’t had a drink for a few months now and it feels great. The people I live with have a drink everyone once in a while and sometimes I think maybe just this once.  But I know I can’t fall into that.

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On Saturday I was asked by someone to go to the liquor store and buy a 12 pack of beer. It’s just buying beer right? It shouldn’t be that tough. On the drive there (which isn’t too far) I kept thinking Should I buy something for myself? How am I going to feel going in there? Why am I doing this? And as soon as I entered I saw everything, the wine, the beer and the liquor. It really brought me back to my old self but it made me think of who I am today.  Read the rest of this entry

Brushing my soul

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Here’s a song to listen while reading:

What do our souls and brushing teeth have in common? I was asking myself that same questions but I had this random thought that came to me during mass today.

Going to mass in a state of mortal sin is like eating a delicious vanilla cake without having brushed your teeth for five days. This cake is still good but it could be better. Just like going to mass in this state isn’t wrong but it could be better.

Going to confession is the best way to clean the soul just like brushing our teeth is the best way to clean our mouth. And when we clean our soul we can better live out the mass. Same with brushing your teeth, when you do so the cake will taste much better.  Read the rest of this entry

You are beautiful

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Be who you’re called to be. This is a statement that I try to live by but it’s not easy. Who am I supposed to be?

For so many years I struggled with my weight. I’m not exactly the skinniest person out there and media tries to sell the idea that the skinnier we are the better looking we are. I sadly believed it but didn’t do anything about it. I just thought well I’m overweight which mean I’m unlovable. That it so wrong!!

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I was stuck living these lies, oh a fat person can’t do this, a fat person can’t do that. But all of this changed when I started discovering who I really am. We are so much more than our appearance. What defines who we are? I believe we define who we are by God’s grace. Now this can be taken out of context but what I mean with that is God gives us graces and we have to use them.
When I was in high school I was the fat kid in class and this always brought me down. Then university came and I was hanging out with a bunch of people who were accepting. But also during this time I was actually putting effort on my appearance. Read the rest of this entry

April 22nd 1987

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This day 29 years ago a tragic incident happened in my family. We lost a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a niece and a friend. This was my sister Jocelyne. She was almost 2 years old.

9694866_f248But this is a day of rejoicing because as we are taught that anyone who is sinless goes directly to heaven and since my sister was young and baptized she could not have willingly chosen to sin. All this to say that I believe my sister is in heaven, she’s a saint. I can ask her to pray for me. It’s a sense of comfort.

There are saints in heaven that we don’t even know of. One doesn’t have to be recognized by the Church to be a saint. You just have to be in Heaven to be a saint.

On this day I encourage all of you to ask Jocelyne to pray for you. I know she’s been praying for me and she’s been putting in a good for me to God. I have never met her but I still cherish her as my big sister, I still love her and I’m sure she loves me. Read the rest of this entry

Yawn, Naptime

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Close to two years ago, about two months before going to Haiti I was diagnosed with anemia. Anemia is a condition marked by a deficiency of red blood cells or of hemoglobin in the blood. Basically it means that I lack red blood cells and or hemoglobin.

This explained why I was always tired, felt weak and had headaches. I would blame it on my job because I was working long days on the farm. But even when I took a few days off I was still very tired. It didn’t matter if I slept for 3 hours or 12 hours, I was always tired.

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To keep this under control they told me to take iron pills. My red blood cell level was so low that at first I had to take two pills a day, then one a day and by the time I was leaving for Haiti I had to take one every second day.

I really didn’t want to be dependent on these pills but I had noticed such a big change in my energy level that I wanted them. These are by no means addicting and they don’t have any bad side effects (that I experienced) but they aren’t exactly natural. I’m not one to push for pills to be healthy, I’m not against it but I like exploring the natural ways. This being said about 5 months ago I decided that’s it! I’m done with these pills! I would take 2 pills a week until I had no more and I refused to buy any more.

Read the rest of this entry

More Dreams

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Dreams are an odd thing. Where do they come from? What do they mean? The last dream I had was a bit on the odd side. I don’t even know how to describe this dream but I will.

I was living in my grandparents’ old house with the same people I’m currently living with: Archbishop, vicar general and the parish priest. I have to note that this house is in the middle of no where and it’s about an 9 hour drive from where we currently live.

I was watching a bit of tv one evening while the guys were out doing things. This really tall guy knocked on the door so I answered. At first he seemed nice and we talked a bit but then he took out a gun and told me this was a robbery. He asked me where my guitar was so I pointed toward my room (this would of been the guest room in my grandparent’ house). I didn’t want to have to deal with this guy so whatever he asked I answered. Just as he was walking towards my room my Archbishop walks in the house and sees that I’m freaking out.

I point to toward my room and then he sees the guy. This guys screams like a little girl and runs downstairs and my Archbishop chases after him. Read the rest of this entry

Ma chanson

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This is a song I wrote when I was in Haiti. It’s in french but maybe eventually I will translate it. There’s a lot of mixed feelings and emotions in it. I was really questioning my purpose on earth while still dealing with my deeper struggles. Why would God permit me to be here and yet I had all these struggles?

Force d’ailleurs 

Une force m’emporte où je ne veux pas,
je n’ai pas le choix que de la suivre.
Des milliers de fois j’ai essayé de m’évader
pour éventuellement me faire reprendre par cette force.

Mais qui suis-je dans ce monde?
Où est ma place sur cette terre?
Quand vais-je me retrouver
et combattre la guerre en moi?

Je dis tout va bien mais c’est un mensonge.
Je ne peux plus penser à ma vie,
mon coeur ce renferme sur moi.
Je vais m’en sortir mais pas aujourd’hui peux être demain.

Mais comment aimer dans ce monde?
Où est l’amour sur cette terre?
Quand vais-je apprendre à aimer
et combattre la guerre en moi?

Je doit tout lâcher et mettre ma confiance ailleurs.
Je suis fatigué de refuser Ton amour.
Ouvre mon coeur, guide-moi.
Montre moi le chemin, je veux aller vers Toi

Periods, a blessing or a curse?

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Ok this post will be a mixture of a rant and maybe even too informational but I just feel like I should share. And this is just to explain how I feel right now:

Obviously that’s not completely true but I like to think it is.

Period pain sucks but periods don’t suck. Now I have to be careful on how I say that. Yes, women have their period every month but it has a purpose. I wish I was one of those women who don’t have pain. I know when mine is coming and I also know it’s time to find the Advil bottle and take a nap (if possible).

It can hurt A LOT and by A LOT I mean like A LOT. It’s like someone keeps kicking you in the lower abdomen some days it’s even worse, it’s like someone is stabbing you over and over.

And here goes the TMI part. Today I was driving back home and I wasn’t expecting little miss nature to show up but I was ready none the less. The expected time for the drive was 9 hours and I figured I could stop somewhere for mass. About three hours in the trip I started to feel nauseous and had a sore back. I knew exactly what was about to happen…  Read the rest of this entry

Thankfulness

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I’m thankful for today. I don’t say that often enough. This thought crossed my mind as I was leading a leadership workshop. This workshop was held for the adult students in one of the communities I visited (I’m currently still here in their youth centre).

The adult students are very thankful for their second chance of graduation from high school. The age range was between 18 and 40. There is always, always, always a second chance. God never gave up on me and my struggles and God won’t give up on them.

As we were taking about who the leaders in the community, it’s like one of them had a revelation. He said something along these lines. We are all leaders but we have to choose to be leaders. Look at us, we’re all in school, we all want a better life for our kids, for our family and for our community. We are leaders, we are a great example for our kids. If they see that we can change our lives then how much more can they accomplish in theirs? Read the rest of this entry