Questioning

I have been thinking about myself lately. Who am I as a person? Who am I as a sister? As an aunt? As a daughter? Will I be a good godmother? Who is Céline? Is my name part of my identity?

So many questions…

But these are all important questions since the answers should help me grow in holiness. We should all have the same goal in life, to become a saint but we all have a different path to achieve that goal.

For example, I can tell that my path isn’t the same as my father’s path, we have many differences. He’s the typical farmer, working 20 hour days, never cooking or cleaning, strong as an ox and can chug a beer in less than 15 seconds. I might be exaggerating a bit. And then there’s me, working up north with the people, cooking once or twice a week for the community, cleaning (ugh cleaning my room), definitely not strong as an ox and I don’t drink(thank God). 

The way he worships God in his daily life can’t be the same way I do it but the approach can be the same. I once had a conversation with my father about nature, he sees so much beauty in it and I think I got that from him. He told me that it’s easy for him to worship God in nature when he’s alone. My dad doesn’t often drive the big trucks or the tractors but he said that when he does, he finds so much peace in it.

I can see where he gets that. When I first started working on the farm I always made sure I had music with me but as time went on I noticed that I spent most of the day in silence, contemplating, thinking and meditating. Thank you dad for showing me this.

After a long day I could go back home and share a bit about the different things that went through my mind. I more so shared this with my youngest sister as we shared a bed and had late night conversations. Thank you Mlle Goule for listening.

I say all of this because I believe that questioning who we are is a good thing to do. I question myself daily, my intentions, my thoughts and my actions. Don’t get me wrong, routine is a good thing. Like brushing my teeth every morning, that’s a good routine but understanding the intentions behind it changes the perspective. Am I brushing my teeth to stay healthy? Am I brushing my teeth so they stay white? Am I brushing my teeth for my personal beauty?

Question, question all the time but also have faith. Faith is believing without seeing. We don’t always need to have an answer to our questions. Sometimes the answer is time will tell, I don’t know and it doesn’t matter. Not knowing the answer to a question isn’t a defeat but it’s an answer in itself. And know that God has the answer, in God’s time we will get the answer we’re looking for.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

My Catholic Living

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