Category Archives: addiction

Confession Time

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That was a beautiful honest confession. Those were the most beautiful words I heard yesterday.

I have both a confession and a story of grace for you. The confession is that I recently made the decision that I would restart drinking but only socially. This decisions wasn’t easy to make and I had actually consulted a few people about it as I really had not drank for about 3 years. Sounds legit right? Well long story short in just a few days I had completely over done it.

BUT I learned a lot from this, not only from the mistakes but from something else. From December 30th to January 1st I volunteered from something called Operation Red Nose.

The mission of Operation Red Nose is to encourage responsible behaviour (in a non-judgmental manner) with regard to impaired driving by enabling communities to provide a free and confidential chauffeur service to their members, the financial benefits of which are redistributed to local organizations dedicated to youth.

red-nose-logo-150So basically I got to drive people and their vehicle to a home location. You can read more about the service here.

On the first day I was the escort driver meaning that I got in the person’s vehicle accompanied by a navigator and our clients and we were followed by our other main vehicle. On the second day I was the navigator which also meant that I was the one doing the paper work. The second time, new years eve and new years morning, was a bit more of a challenge as we had call after call. Our team started around 11pm and got back to headquarters at 3:45 am and had around six calls. We had 12 teams on the road and if every team had between five and nine calls that meant that around 84 people were home safe and didn’t have to worry about finding their vehicle the next day.

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I am wonderfully made

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Last night I had a hard time falling asleep, I was counting sheep, 1, 2, 3, I hear music, I wonder what song this is? I remember my grad, I had a blast. Remember the banquet? Yes I got wear a beautiful dress and feel like a princess. And my thoughts went on and on. (Mean while I could hear someone snore in the room beside mine)

I’ve been pretty busy so before last night I was able to sleep pretty well. You know when you have jam packed days and when it come to sleep you don’t even remember putting your head on your pillow, you’re asleep before you even know you’re asleep. Well that’s what’s been happening (other than last night).

I got to sleep in which was great, I woke up around 8:30, had a quick breakfast and morning prayer. I was sitting in the living room enjoying the view. The house is on a hill and there’s a river below. I could over look the river and see further in the trees. The pelican and ducks were just floating along minding their own business. Then all of a sudden I see two teenagers walking on the street which is quite normal. One was limping and the other one kept bending down. I was wondering what was happening and then he got sick rolls eyes this must of been the result of the grad.

Why can’t we be reasonable?  I mean drinking to the point of getting sick is not normal but for some people it’s a sense of comfort. It’s not the sickness that they want but it’s the high from drinking. It’s their way of letting go. It’s clearly not a healthy way but who am I to condemn when I have struggled with that myself.

This made me think of the psalm from the feast of Saint John the Baptist, I praise you, for I am wonderfully made.  It doesn’t matter what we do, we can’t hide from God. He knows the depths of our heart, he knows when we sit and when we stand, He is the one that knit us in our mother’s womb.

If we knew how much God loves us we wouldn’t be running off doing our own thing. In fact we would be busy doing God’s will that our will wouldn’t even matter. God made us and yet we’re ready to reject Him sometimes. Sin is what separates us from Him but thankfully we have repentance, we have mercy, we have forgiveness.

Don’t forget the ultimate sacrifice Jesus suffered for all of us to be here today.

My Catholic Living

 

Moving on

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inspirational-bible-verse

Do you ever get in the habit of sin? I can say that I do that. I know it’s not a good thing but that’s usually a sign of falling back into an addiction. I start justifying my sin saying it’s ok because it’s not as bad as it was before.

You know you’re not supposed to do something and yet you do just a bit of it and think I didn’t do the full thing so it’s ok. It’s like an alcoholic who think he can get over alcholism by drinking just one drink a day. Then that one drink leads to two then three and so on. We usually have a ‘good reason’ for that one drink then another reason for the second one and next thing you know you’re back into that habitual sin.  Read the rest of this entry

One more push-up!

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I’m not sure what I want to talk about this time so I’ll just start writing and see where it leads. Have you ever had a really good idea and then when you want to execute that idea it kinds just disappears. When I woke up I swear I had a good idea but now it’s gone.  I guess I’ll just share about my new plans. Well they aren’t really plans but because the theme for our ministry year is ‘New Beginnings’ and I’ve been trying to apply that to my own life.

This includes getting into shape! Not an easy thing but I’m guessing in the end it will be worth it. I got back into swimming. I used to swim when I was in high school but that’s a few years ago. I really enjoy swimming because it’s like spending quality time with myself and it’s always a new challenge. Can I beat my personal record this time. Sometimes I can other times I can’t. Try and fail but don’t fail to try. 

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Struggling alone isn’t easy

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We live in a world where we try to find quick fixes to everything, well that doesn’t work with everything. Sure it might seem like it works in the beginning but after a while a quick fix can cause more damage than how it was before it even broke. I say that because sometimes we think we do something that will fix all our problems but really we are just making it worse.

I will be honest, I struggle with an addiction and I have struggled with this addiction since I was 11. At the time I knew it wasn’t right but I kept doing this thing. And it took me years to realize how far gone I was because of this habbit. When I finally realized all the damaged it had done to me I tried stopping cold turkey. It would work for maybe two days and then I would break down and indulge even more than I would before. It was a vicious cycle.

Thankfully I joined a twelve steps group. This group made me look deeper into myself and discover the root of my problem. Also admitting that I am completely powerless and I can’t control my life was a big life changer for me. After reaching step twelve I felt so much better about myself even if I was still struggling with this addiction. I was struggling but I did have a bit more control over the temptation.  I had to put more effort into it. I stopped attending meetings because I thought that when I was done step twelve I would of been healed. Boy o boy I was wrong.if-god-didnt-forgive-sinners-heaven-would-be-empty-bible-quote

I had to humble myself and approach someone else for help and I did. This time I didn’t just admit to a priest about my faults but I told some of my closest friends. They did not react like I thought they would. Instead they were open about their own personal struggles in their lives. This brought all of us closer. It’s when we share our deepest struggles with others that we really get to know them.

Like I have said before, we all have our personal addictions. Some people have worse ones but either way admitting our addictions isn’t easy. I suggest that if you are reading this and struggle with a really unhealthy addiction please take the first step and tell someone. Stuggling alone isn’t easy, let someone help you carry your cross. It won’t be easy at first but it will be much more rewarding in the end.

I still struggle with this addiction but now I have a support group, people I can call when I’m in temptation or just need to talk to. And I will struggle with this addiction for the rest of my life. I am in recovery and will also be in recovery for the rest of my life as well.

Don’t be afraid to face your fears, recovery is a long road that seems impossible but it’s NOT impossible. We are all strong and we can all overcome temptations. Just believe in yourself.

-My Catholic Living