Category Archives: confession

Confession Time

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That was a beautiful honest confession. Those were the most beautiful words I heard yesterday.

I have both a confession and a story of grace for you. The confession is that I recently made the decision that I would restart drinking but only socially. This decisions wasn’t easy to make and I had actually consulted a few people about it as I really had not drank for about 3 years. Sounds legit right? Well long story short in just a few days I had completely over done it.

BUT I learned a lot from this, not only from the mistakes but from something else. From December 30th to January 1st I volunteered from something called Operation Red Nose.

The mission of Operation Red Nose is to encourage responsible behaviour (in a non-judgmental manner) with regard to impaired driving by enabling communities to provide a free and confidential chauffeur service to their members, the financial benefits of which are redistributed to local organizations dedicated to youth.

red-nose-logo-150So basically I got to drive people and their vehicle to a home location. You can read more about the service here.

On the first day I was the escort driver meaning that I got in the person’s vehicle accompanied by a navigator and our clients and we were followed by our other main vehicle. On the second day I was the navigator which also meant that I was the one doing the paper work. The second time, new years eve and new years morning, was a bit more of a challenge as we had call after call. Our team started around 11pm and got back to headquarters at 3:45 am and had around six calls. We had 12 teams on the road and if every team had between five and nine calls that meant that around 84 people were home safe and didn’t have to worry about finding their vehicle the next day.

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Spiritual pride

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Spiritual pride, many suffer from it AND they don’t even realize how their spiritual pride is affecting others. By the way, pride is a deadly sin…

img_0143When one says things like Salvation won’t come to you because you do this and that… then this person is putting themselves on a pedestal, they are making themselves better than the other person. Remember, when you’re pointing the finger at someone three other fingers are point your direction.

You cannot be half a saint; you must be a whole saint or no saint at all. St. Therese of Lisieux

Actually, someone once said this to me I will keep on bullying as long as I can convert others. In my opinion there is much pride in that statement. Bullying is never right and everyone in their right mind should agree with that. Bullying means taking advantage of someone. Is taking advantage of someone ever a good thing? NO! Never! A bully tries to show others that they are the boss and that they are better than everyone else, they belittle others.

There’s a lot of in that statement. It’s all about me!

…until I can convert other. Who converts who? Doesn’t conversion come from God? Isn’t conversion a choice that has to come from within? We can help bring conversion but we can’t convert someone. Sounds like this person was trying to take credit for God’s work. Read the rest of this entry

Confession of a wonky thumb

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Ok, I have something to admit, something that I tried hiding for years and year but it’s time I finally come clean with it. I have… I can’t say it…. I am…. hmmm… I’m a freak. I have something called Brachydactyly Type D (BDD).

What the heck is that? I like to think of it as strange dinosaur disease, yes, I’m actually a dinosaur. Hehe, now I’m sure you’re confused…. unless you know what BDD is then I will give you a high5! *High5*

Basically BDD means that the distal phalanx of the thumb alone is shortened, in other words the nail bed of my thumbs is wider than it’s long, weird eh?

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I am wonderfully made

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Last night I had a hard time falling asleep, I was counting sheep, 1, 2, 3, I hear music, I wonder what song this is? I remember my grad, I had a blast. Remember the banquet? Yes I got wear a beautiful dress and feel like a princess. And my thoughts went on and on. (Mean while I could hear someone snore in the room beside mine)

I’ve been pretty busy so before last night I was able to sleep pretty well. You know when you have jam packed days and when it come to sleep you don’t even remember putting your head on your pillow, you’re asleep before you even know you’re asleep. Well that’s what’s been happening (other than last night).

I got to sleep in which was great, I woke up around 8:30, had a quick breakfast and morning prayer. I was sitting in the living room enjoying the view. The house is on a hill and there’s a river below. I could over look the river and see further in the trees. The pelican and ducks were just floating along minding their own business. Then all of a sudden I see two teenagers walking on the street which is quite normal. One was limping and the other one kept bending down. I was wondering what was happening and then he got sick rolls eyes this must of been the result of the grad.

Why can’t we be reasonable?  I mean drinking to the point of getting sick is not normal but for some people it’s a sense of comfort. It’s not the sickness that they want but it’s the high from drinking. It’s their way of letting go. It’s clearly not a healthy way but who am I to condemn when I have struggled with that myself.

This made me think of the psalm from the feast of Saint John the Baptist, I praise you, for I am wonderfully made.  It doesn’t matter what we do, we can’t hide from God. He knows the depths of our heart, he knows when we sit and when we stand, He is the one that knit us in our mother’s womb.

If we knew how much God loves us we wouldn’t be running off doing our own thing. In fact we would be busy doing God’s will that our will wouldn’t even matter. God made us and yet we’re ready to reject Him sometimes. Sin is what separates us from Him but thankfully we have repentance, we have mercy, we have forgiveness.

Don’t forget the ultimate sacrifice Jesus suffered for all of us to be here today.

My Catholic Living

 

Brushing my soul

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Here’s a song to listen while reading:

What do our souls and brushing teeth have in common? I was asking myself that same questions but I had this random thought that came to me during mass today.

Going to mass in a state of mortal sin is like eating a delicious vanilla cake without having brushed your teeth for five days. This cake is still good but it could be better. Just like going to mass in this state isn’t wrong but it could be better.

Going to confession is the best way to clean the soul just like brushing our teeth is the best way to clean our mouth. And when we clean our soul we can better live out the mass. Same with brushing your teeth, when you do so the cake will taste much better.  Read the rest of this entry

Friends with Common Interests

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Ok, call me crazy but just follow what I’m saying here. You know when you have a long drive and you’ve been following a car for like an hour on a the highway. Well I don’t know if it’s just me but I tend to build some sort of bond with the other driver. It’s like we are the best of friends just because we are heading the same direction. You just want to give a hug to the other driver. Then the unthinkable happens, the other driver turns somewhere else and you’re not following the other car anymore. This bond that was created is gone and it will never be there again because you never actually met the other person.

This is exactly how it is with people whom we befriend because of a common interest. We talk about the common interest but never about the deeper stuff we are living.  For example: when I go swimming (which I do between 3-5 times a week) I talk with the lifeguards and my fellow swim mates. We talk about our personal records, the different strokes and which muscles we want to work on that specific day. But we never talk about the deeper things in our life. We just build on this fake bond that we have. If it wasn’t for meeting up for lap swim that bond wouldn’t be there.  Read the rest of this entry

Moving on

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Do you ever get in the habit of sin? I can say that I do that. I know it’s not a good thing but that’s usually a sign of falling back into an addiction. I start justifying my sin saying it’s ok because it’s not as bad as it was before.

You know you’re not supposed to do something and yet you do just a bit of it and think I didn’t do the full thing so it’s ok. It’s like an alcoholic who think he can get over alcholism by drinking just one drink a day. Then that one drink leads to two then three and so on. We usually have a ‘good reason’ for that one drink then another reason for the second one and next thing you know you’re back into that habitual sin.  Read the rest of this entry

We are all sinners and will always be sinners

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I have this deep love for mass because I get to receive the Eucharist. This is the best gift anyone can receive daily because it nourishes us in multiple ways. But sadly these past few days I was in a state of mortal sin. This is something that really just drags me down and beats me to the ground. I couldn’t receive the Eucharist on Sunday mass because I was too prideful to even go see a priest and confess my failures. Often my pride gets in the way of things and prevents me in being who I really want to be. Today I went to daily mass and again I was still in a state of mortal sin so I couldn’t receive Communion.

But right after mass I asked my priest if I could have confession and with a big smile he said yes. I always have a fear of asking for confession but know that I will feel much better afterward. So even though I couldn’t receive the Eucharist today I am one step closer to receiving my spiritual nourishment.

I strongly encourage everyone to go to confession because let’s admit it, our soul needs some cleaning. We humans can’t clean it on our own, we need God’s help and forgiveness. The more I participate in this sacrament the more I feel comfortable in my own skin. Admiting my faults isn’t easy but it has to be done. It’s by admitting my faults that I discover who I really am. But let’s not get carried away here, my faults don’t define who I am they just prevent me from being who I am. We often hide behind our sin and blame it one someone or something else.  It’s easy to blame others for our faults but is it worth it?

I am guilty just like everyone else of committing that same sin over and over and confessing it over and over. We all have our different addictions that we have to deal with. But, we can’t deal with it alone. Sharing our addictions with someone else gives courage that there is much more than the addiction, gives the understanding that we are not alone and it gives accountability, someone we can talk to in times of temptation.

We are all broken and we all need help but God is there to provide that help. We just have to accept it.

I am praying for your brokeness, please pray for mine.

My Catholic Living