Category Archives: Struggles

Confession Time

Standard

That was a beautiful honest confession. Those were the most beautiful words I heard yesterday.

I have both a confession and a story of grace for you. The confession is that I recently made the decision that I would restart drinking but only socially. This decisions wasn’t easy to make and I had actually consulted a few people about it as I really had not drank for about 3 years. Sounds legit right? Well long story short in just a few days I had completely over done it.

BUT I learned a lot from this, not only from the mistakes but from something else. From December 30th to January 1st I volunteered from something called Operation Red Nose.

The mission of Operation Red Nose is to encourage responsible behaviour (in a non-judgmental manner) with regard to impaired driving by enabling communities to provide a free and confidential chauffeur service to their members, the financial benefits of which are redistributed to local organizations dedicated to youth.

red-nose-logo-150So basically I got to drive people and their vehicle to a home location. You can read more about the service here.

On the first day I was the escort driver meaning that I got in the person’s vehicle accompanied by a navigator and our clients and we were followed by our other main vehicle. On the second day I was the navigator which also meant that I was the one doing the paper work. The second time, new years eve and new years morning, was a bit more of a challenge as we had call after call. Our team started around 11pm and got back to headquarters at 3:45 am and had around six calls. We had 12 teams on the road and if every team had between five and nine calls that meant that around 84 people were home safe and didn’t have to worry about finding their vehicle the next day.

Read the rest of this entry

Breathe. Suck back air.

Standard

Breathe. Suck back air.

Who here likes to write? I’m not sure but I think it’s safe to assume that many people who read my blog are bloggers themselves. Come out from hiding and help us raise awareness, the many sons and daughters that are suffering. Help us show them how much they are loved, how much they are appreciated and how much they are wanted.

To feel loved is something unimaginable to many, what can we do to show our love to them?

So breathe. Suck back Air.

Let’s stop looking at suicide as a statistic and start looking at it as people. People who weren’t seeing their worth, people who were struggling with things we can’t even imagine, people made in God’s image.

Love, we need love. Compassion, we need compassion. God, we have God.

Open the discussion, talk about it, do not be afraid because a simple conversation can turn someone’s life around. Positivity, it’s all around us but are we sharing it with others or are we being selfish and keeping it to ourselves.

Let tradition and ceremony be your medicine. Let the ancient tongues of your grandmothers be your lullaby. Let prayers be the wings that give you flight. Let not another light be stolen. Not another loss to suicide. Not now. Breathe. Suck back air. Helen Knott Spoken Word – We Matter Campaign Read the rest of this entry

Help me.

Standard

Tonight I feel like a complete failure. We have so many youth in the archdiocese and I wish I could meet all of them and talk about Jesus but I can’t. Why was I gloomy last week? It’s because I got a message from someone telling me that there were three suicides in one of our communities. I did not deal with those news too well. These are not the news you want to hear or even expect to hear.

chris-stokes-life-stay-close-to-god

I might not of known these girls very well but I still know that they were important to many but also to me. All the youth in the Archdiocese of Keewatin-Le Pas have a special place in my heart. They are the reason why I’m here in the north, they have shaped me to be a better woman and taught me to serve our God in an even better way. But it’s when things like this happen, I feel like I am to blame even though I know it’s not my fault.
I was watching a movie with one of my housemates while surfing through Facebook and I saw something new, another suicide. I was devastated, went to my room and shed more tears. We lost four girls in less than a week, why is this happening?  One of them was only 10 years old, a tragedy.  Read the rest of this entry

Spiritual pride

Standard

Spiritual pride, many suffer from it AND they don’t even realize how their spiritual pride is affecting others. By the way, pride is a deadly sin…

img_0143When one says things like Salvation won’t come to you because you do this and that… then this person is putting themselves on a pedestal, they are making themselves better than the other person. Remember, when you’re pointing the finger at someone three other fingers are point your direction.

You cannot be half a saint; you must be a whole saint or no saint at all. St. Therese of Lisieux

Actually, someone once said this to me I will keep on bullying as long as I can convert others. In my opinion there is much pride in that statement. Bullying is never right and everyone in their right mind should agree with that. Bullying means taking advantage of someone. Is taking advantage of someone ever a good thing? NO! Never! A bully tries to show others that they are the boss and that they are better than everyone else, they belittle others.

There’s a lot of in that statement. It’s all about me!

…until I can convert other. Who converts who? Doesn’t conversion come from God? Isn’t conversion a choice that has to come from within? We can help bring conversion but we can’t convert someone. Sounds like this person was trying to take credit for God’s work. Read the rest of this entry

No rest for Haitians

Standard

I can’t bare the thought of being in a safe home not needing to worry about my family while everyone in Haiti is preparing to take cover. My heart is completely torn apart.

f455dc4c370d8122a7334e06e2b4aef1.jpg

I really didn’t think I left my heart in Haiti until I went to WYD. Haitians are very patriotic so whenever I spotted one walking around I went out of my way to speak with them in their own language. The more I spoke with them the more I fell in love with the country again. I lost a lot of my Haitian Créole but I could still hold a basic conversation with them.

It was always great to see their reaction!

Eh! Kijan nou ye?
Nou byen….  ou pale Kreyol?????

Hey! How are you?
We’re fine…. you speak Créole?????

Their reaction was like why is this white woman speaking our language? It just doesn’t make sense! We’ve been caught as we can’t talk in the secret of our language. Read the rest of this entry

Change is Good

Standard

The other day I heard a comment that was very upsetting. The comment was something like bigger women should never wear a bikini because it’s not flattering on them. Now before I keep going on I have to state that I’m actually against women wearing bikinis as I believe they reveal too much but that’s a story for another day

CALVARY.jpg

When we’re hurting ourselves we’re hurting God as well.

 

Saying that a bigger woman can’t do something because it’s not flattering is a complete insult. Read the rest of this entry

Yes I can.. no I can’t..yes..no

Standard

Depression, now this is a hard one to talk about but I was inspired by Jean, a friend of mine. This is what she said I can’t walk forward facing backwards! 14079783_1082420308474192_7302427914441682464_n

Big shout out to Jean as she’s been helping me with this. Without me telling her about what I was going through she knew I needed a shoulder to cry on. You know what she did? She sent me an email with pictures of Mary with quotes and verses. This was an instant pick me up as I knew I wasn’t alone even though I felt as though I was alone.

I have gone through depression and I know how much it can hurt. It’s more than just a mental issue but it’s also physical, emotional and spiritual.  Read the rest of this entry

You are beautiful

Standard

Be who you’re called to be. This is a statement that I try to live by but it’s not easy. Who am I supposed to be?

For so many years I struggled with my weight. I’m not exactly the skinniest person out there and media tries to sell the idea that the skinnier we are the better looking we are. I sadly believed it but didn’t do anything about it. I just thought well I’m overweight which mean I’m unlovable. That it so wrong!!

l_0af34810-c979-11e2-98d1-791356b00014

I was stuck living these lies, oh a fat person can’t do this, a fat person can’t do that. But all of this changed when I started discovering who I really am. We are so much more than our appearance. What defines who we are? I believe we define who we are by God’s grace. Now this can be taken out of context but what I mean with that is God gives us graces and we have to use them.
When I was in high school I was the fat kid in class and this always brought me down. Then university came and I was hanging out with a bunch of people who were accepting. But also during this time I was actually putting effort on my appearance. Read the rest of this entry

One more push-up!

Standard

I’m not sure what I want to talk about this time so I’ll just start writing and see where it leads. Have you ever had a really good idea and then when you want to execute that idea it kinds just disappears. When I woke up I swear I had a good idea but now it’s gone.  I guess I’ll just share about my new plans. Well they aren’t really plans but because the theme for our ministry year is ‘New Beginnings’ and I’ve been trying to apply that to my own life.

This includes getting into shape! Not an easy thing but I’m guessing in the end it will be worth it. I got back into swimming. I used to swim when I was in high school but that’s a few years ago. I really enjoy swimming because it’s like spending quality time with myself and it’s always a new challenge. Can I beat my personal record this time. Sometimes I can other times I can’t. Try and fail but don’t fail to try. 

Read the rest of this entry

Breaking the cycle

Standard

I have to start by apologizing. I have been complaining a lot in the last few posts. I guess it shows that I have been struggling a lot. Struggling is part of life but what we do with our struggles matters. These past few days I’ve just been gloomy and living for the sake of living. I wasn’t living my life to it’s full potential but rather living out my flesh life. We have to choose whether we want to live for ourselves or for God we can’t do both. This past week I was living for myself, falling into flesh desires and not trying to understand what God wanted from me. This is a cycle and it’s not easy to get out of.

Last night I summed up the courage to ask for confession. This was one ofserenity the best confession I have had in years. I feel like I can completely let go of a certain burden that I was carrying. I want to stop this fight I was having against myself and let God take care of it. I feel renewed and ready to face to world!

As I’m trying to reverse this cycle so if you have extra prayers send them this way. I’m trying to put in the extra effort to be happier and lead a healthier life.

Happiness is a choice but joy comes from God. We have to choose to be happy and when we choose to be happy it’s easier to see the joy that God is giving us daily. I have been going over and over my 12 steps book and it has been bringing me more healing than I ever expected. I strong encourage all those who want to know the deeper meaning of struggles to take this program. This program allows people to get a deeper knowledge of self and how we can become a better version of ourselves.

This is a Youtube clip that I found the other day and I found it very fitting with what I was going through. It’s a song with personal testimonies. Colton Dixon –Through All Of It

Am I choosing to be happy? Today I challenge you, try smiling more. Smiling is like instant happiness for me. I’m smiling right now for all of you and I wish you could all see it. 🙂