Confession Time

That was a beautiful honest confession. Those were the most beautiful words I heard yesterday.

I have both a confession and a story of grace for you. The confession is that I recently made the decision that I would restart drinking but only socially. This decisions wasn’t easy to make and I had actually consulted a few people about it as I really had not drank for about 3 years. Sounds legit right? Well long story short in just a few days I had completely over done it.

BUT I learned a lot from this, not only from the mistakes but from something else. From December 30th to January 1st I volunteered from something called Operation Red Nose.

The mission of Operation Red Nose is to encourage responsible behaviour (in a non-judgmental manner) with regard to impaired driving by enabling communities to provide a free and confidential chauffeur service to their members, the financial benefits of which are redistributed to local organizations dedicated to youth.

red-nose-logo-150So basically I got to drive people and their vehicle to a home location. You can read more about the service here.

On the first day I was the escort driver meaning that I got in the person’s vehicle accompanied by a navigator and our clients and we were followed by our other main vehicle. On the second day I was the navigator which also meant that I was the one doing the paper work. The second time, new years eve and new years morning, was a bit more of a challenge as we had call after call. Our team started around 11pm and got back to headquarters at 3:45 am and had around six calls. We had 12 teams on the road and if every team had between five and nine calls that meant that around 84 people were home safe and didn’t have to worry about finding their vehicle the next day.

Continue reading “Confession Time”

Confession of a wonky thumb

Ok, I have something to admit, something that I tried hiding for years and year but it’s time I finally come clean with it. I have… I can’t say it…. I am…. hmmm… I’m a freak. I have something called Brachydactyly Type D (BDD).

What the heck is that? I like to think of it as strange dinosaur disease, yes, I’m actually a dinosaur. Hehe, now I’m sure you’re confused…. unless you know what BDD is then I will give you a high5! *High5*

Basically BDD means that the distal phalanx of the thumb alone is shortened, in other words the nail bed of my thumbs is wider than it’s long, weird eh?

Continue reading “Confession of a wonky thumb”

Psalm 51 Miserere

This has to be my favourite psalm. It’s the psalm I encourage everyone to pray and to pray it everyday. The very thing that I love about this psalm is that everyday something new catches my eye.

I suggest that you start by reading it slowly, then meditate and eventually pray with it. God speaks through Scripture.

This psalm reminds us that we are all sinners and that we are in need of His mercy. Imagine a world without mercy, can you do that? I tried imagining it and what I saw was terrible. Without God’s mercy we wouldn’t have confession. Many of us would be like walking skeletons, we’d be lost, confused with no way to get closer to God. We would most likely all be in a state of mortal sin meaning that we would be completely separated from God. There would be no hope.

Thank God this isn’t our reality! We have a merciful God, a God full of love and peace. A God who gave up His own life for us. He died on that cross for the sins we had not even yet committed.

Have mercy on me, God, in your kindness.jesushands
In your compassion blot out my offense.
O wash me more and more from my guilt
and cleanse me from my sin.

My offenses truly I know them;
my sin is always before me
Against you, you alone, have I sinned;
what is evil in your sight I have done.

That you may be justified when you give sentence
and be without reproach when you judge,
O see, in guilt I was born,
a sinner was I conceived.

Indeed you love truth in the heart;
then in the secret of my heart teach me wisdom.
O purify me, then I shall be clean;
O wash me, I shall be whiter than snow. Continue reading “Psalm 51 Miserere”

Dating… why?

 

Dating, so many questions and so many uncertainties.

Sometimes we enter into a relationship more so for the status than the other person but hopefully more often it’s because we see a future with this other person. Dating has such a new meaning in this day in age and we really lost the original meaning. Why do we date??

1230722_origIn my perspective dating is all about seeing if the other person is compatible for marriage, it’s about leading the other person closer to heaven. If you can’t lead the other person closer to heaven while dating then you won’t be able to do such thing during marriage. You see, many people think
Oh when we get married I’m going to change this about my spouse but we really can’t think that way because if someone wants change it has to come from within and not from someone else. What you see is what you get.  Continue reading “Dating… why?”

You are beautiful

Be who you’re called to be. This is a statement that I try to live by but it’s not easy. Who am I supposed to be?

For so many years I struggled with my weight. I’m not exactly the skinniest person out there and media tries to sell the idea that the skinnier we are the better looking we are. I sadly believed it but didn’t do anything about it. I just thought well I’m overweight which mean I’m unlovable. That it so wrong!!

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I was stuck living these lies, oh a fat person can’t do this, a fat person can’t do that. But all of this changed when I started discovering who I really am. We are so much more than our appearance. What defines who we are? I believe we define who we are by God’s grace. Now this can be taken out of context but what I mean with that is God gives us graces and we have to use them.
When I was in high school I was the fat kid in class and this always brought me down. Then university came and I was hanging out with a bunch of people who were accepting. But also during this time I was actually putting effort on my appearance. Continue reading “You are beautiful”

Breaking the cycle

I have to start by apologizing. I have been complaining a lot in the last few posts. I guess it shows that I have been struggling a lot. Struggling is part of life but what we do with our struggles matters. These past few days I’ve just been gloomy and living for the sake of living. I wasn’t living my life to it’s full potential but rather living out my flesh life. We have to choose whether we want to live for ourselves or for God we can’t do both. This past week I was living for myself, falling into flesh desires and not trying to understand what God wanted from me. This is a cycle and it’s not easy to get out of.

Last night I summed up the courage to ask for confession. This was one ofserenity the best confession I have had in years. I feel like I can completely let go of a certain burden that I was carrying. I want to stop this fight I was having against myself and let God take care of it. I feel renewed and ready to face to world!

As I’m trying to reverse this cycle so if you have extra prayers send them this way. I’m trying to put in the extra effort to be happier and lead a healthier life.

Happiness is a choice but joy comes from God. We have to choose to be happy and when we choose to be happy it’s easier to see the joy that God is giving us daily. I have been going over and over my 12 steps book and it has been bringing me more healing than I ever expected. I strong encourage all those who want to know the deeper meaning of struggles to take this program. This program allows people to get a deeper knowledge of self and how we can become a better version of ourselves.

This is a Youtube clip that I found the other day and I found it very fitting with what I was going through. It’s a song with personal testimonies. Colton Dixon –Through All Of It

Am I choosing to be happy? Today I challenge you, try smiling more. Smiling is like instant happiness for me. I’m smiling right now for all of you and I wish you could all see it. 🙂

Living in shame

I’ve been having such a bad week. I’m frustrated with my myself, with my life, with others and so on. It’s like nothing I did this week was right. I’m sure I’m not the only one to have week like this. It’s like I have so much shame that I can’t get rid of. It’s catching up to me.

It started out as a good week. I had a good conversation with my mother and I sent out a letter to a friend. But after that it’s like I just couldn’t smile, I couldn’t resist temptation, I couldn’t help out others. It’s like I was (and still am) stuck in limbo. I don’t care about the good and I don’t care  about the bad.

I personally know this isn’t good and I know why I feel this way but it’s still dragging me down. It makes me feel like I’m not leading a good life. I often ask myself this question: What is my purpose in life? This always makes me reflect, am I doing what God wants me to be doing in this very moment? Am I the person God me to be? Am I doing God’s will?

I have been struggling a lot with God’s will, especially with my vocation. I thought I wasn’t called to religious life and now I feel this calling again. Discerning this freaks me out. What if I’m actually called to religious life? What about my desire to have kids? All these things I have been thinking about.

Ugh so many different thoughts coming to mind. I honestly feel like God is giving me the choice. I feel like I could be a great mother but I also feel like I could be a great sister. Oh the choices… I don’t like it when people tell me, just wait you’re still young. To me this isn’t living in the moment. If God wants me to do something then I would want to respond as soon I can. Something I struggle a lot with is patience. And I also fear asking God for patience because when I do that He always puts me in situations where I need to practice patience.  We sometimes have a silly God.

All that to say, I am still praying for a better understanding of God’s will for me. I’m am so confused and lost with it. But I will take time to pray more about it. Could you please pray for me? I am in a desperate need of prayers.

Also, tomorrow I will be heading to confession! Hurray! This will bring me joy and I know it. I hope this will help with this shame that I’m carrying. I just need to let it go because I have dealt with it in the past I have made amends, I just need to let it go. But it’s easier said than done.

-My Catholic Living