Ok, I have something to admit, something that I tried hiding for years and year but it’s time I finally come clean with it. I have… I can’t say it…. I am…. hmmm… I’m a freak. I have something called Brachydactyly Type D (BDD).
What the heck is that? I like to think of it as strange dinosaur disease, yes, I’m actually a dinosaur. Hehe, now I’m sure you’re confused…. unless you know what BDD is then I will give you a high5! *High5*
Basically BDD means that the distal phalanx of the thumb alone is shortened, in other words the nail bed of my thumbs is wider than it’s long, weird eh?
The other day I heard a comment that was very upsetting. The comment was something like bigger women should never wear a bikini because it’s not flattering on them. Now before I keep going on I have to state that I’m actually against women wearing bikinis as I believe they reveal too much but that’s a story for another day
Depression, now this is a hard one to talk about but I was inspired by Jean, a friend of mine. This is what she said I can’t walk forward facing backwards!
Big shout out to Jean as she’s been helping me with this. Without me telling her about what I was going through she knew I needed a shoulder to cry on. You know what she did? She sent me an email with pictures of Mary with quotes and verses. This was an instant pick me up as I knew I wasn’t alone even though I felt as though I was alone.
A few days ago I was texting someone and they really put things in perspective. This person had asked me what my plans were for the week and I told them that I was wanting to go back to the pool as I had been lazy ever since I got back from Poland.
What this person replied back was a true challenge, …live like Pope Francis taught us, get off that couch!!!!
I needed to get off that ouch as Pope Francis said while addressing us at WYD in Poland. This led me to thinking about a lot of different things such as temptation. How that subject came to mind is a whole different story.
We live in a world where we try to find quick fixes to everything, well that doesn’t work with everything. Sure it might seem like it works in the beginning but after a while a quick fix can cause more damage than how it was before it even broke. I say that because sometimes we think we do something that will fix all our problems but really we are just making it worse.
I will be honest, I struggle with an addiction and I have struggled with this addiction since I was 11. At the time I knew it wasn’t right but I kept doing this thing. And it took me years to realize how far gone I was because of this habbit. When I finally realized all the damaged it had done to me I tried stopping cold turkey. It would work for maybe two days and then I would break down and indulge even more than I would before. It was a vicious cycle.
Thankfully I joined a twelve steps group. This group made me look deeper into myself and discover the root of my problem. Also admitting that I am completely powerless and I can’t control my life was a big life changer for me. After reaching step twelve I felt so much better about myself even if I was still struggling with this addiction. I was struggling but I did have a bit more control over the temptation. I had to put more effort into it. I stopped attending meetings because I thought that when I was done step twelve I would of been healed. Boy o boy I was wrong.
I had to humble myself and approach someone else for help and I did. This time I didn’t just admit to a priest about my faults but I told some of my closest friends. They did not react like I thought they would. Instead they were open about their own personal struggles in their lives. This brought all of us closer. It’s when we share our deepest struggles with others that we really get to know them.
Like I have said before, we all have our personal addictions. Some people have worse ones but either way admitting our addictions isn’t easy. I suggest that if you are reading this and struggle with a really unhealthy addiction please take the first step and tell someone. Stuggling alone isn’t easy, let someone help you carry your cross. It won’t be easy at first but it will be much more rewarding in the end.
I still struggle with this addiction but now I have a support group, people I can call when I’m in temptation or just need to talk to. And I will struggle with this addiction for the rest of my life. I am in recovery and will also be in recovery for the rest of my life as well.
Don’t be afraid to face your fears, recovery is a long road that seems impossible but it’s NOT impossible. We are all strong and we can all overcome temptations. Just believe in yourself.
I have this deep love for mass because I get to receive the Eucharist. This is the best gift anyone can receive daily because it nourishes us in multiple ways. But sadly these past few days I was in a state of mortal sin. This is something that really just drags me down and beats me to the ground. I couldn’t receive the Eucharist on Sunday mass because I was too prideful to even go see a priest and confess my failures. Often my pride gets in the way of things and prevents me in being who I really want to be. Today I went to daily mass and again I was still in a state of mortal sin so I couldn’t receive Communion.
But right after mass I asked my priest if I could have confession and with a big smile he said yes. I always have a fear of asking for confession but know that I will feel much better afterward. So even though I couldn’t receive the Eucharist today I am one step closer to receiving my spiritual nourishment.
I strongly encourage everyone to go to confession because let’s admit it, our soul needs some cleaning. We humans can’t clean it on our own, we need God’s help and forgiveness. The more I participate in this sacrament the more I feel comfortable in my own skin. Admiting my faults isn’t easy but it has to be done. It’s by admitting my faults that I discover who I really am. But let’s not get carried away here, my faults don’t define who I am they just prevent me from being who I am. We often hide behind our sin and blame it one someone or something else. It’s easy to blame others for our faults but is it worth it?
I am guilty just like everyone else of committing that same sin over and over and confessing it over and over. We all have our different addictions that we have to deal with. But, we can’t deal with it alone. Sharing our addictions with someone else gives courage that there is much more than the addiction, gives the understanding that we are not alone and it gives accountability, someone we can talk to in times of temptation.
We are all broken and we all need help but God is there to provide that help. We just have to accept it.
I am praying for your brokeness, please pray for mine.