Me? a mother?

I am loving this week. I was a bit nervous about this week because I wasn’t too sure how to prepare for it. I’m currently in a different community to lead some sort of youth gathering. Our first gathering was on Monday and again we had no idea how many people would show up and even less their age.

For this gathering I mostly planned games, something to make them feel wanted and also a way for them to express whatever they are going through. I think I was having more fun than the youth, haha. I had so much fun and these youth were very welcoming and warmhearted.

The next day we had another gathering but this time we ended with the rosary and mass. And you know how kids are, they like to move around and like to make noise. It was a bit hard to keep them quiet to start the rosary but once we started they got involved and surprisingly stayed quiet.

I was leading the rosary but having a hard time doing so. Not because I don’t know the prayers but because it was s such a deep time of prayer for me. I felt this blanket of peace of me. I did shed a few tears ad was having a hard time pronouncing the words out loud. You know when you have that crying feeling with like this bubble in your throat? Well that’s how it was for me. But it was such an intense moment that I didn’t care about what was going around me. It was me and my God. After the rosary I just had to go outside to take a breath of fresh air. And as soon as I left the church I had a break down. TO me this was a good reminder that prayer is a gift. We have to put the extra efforts in our prayers. Sure it’s easy to repeat the hail Mary 10 times but if your heart isn’t in it then it’s really not worth it.

Experiences like these are a gift from God.

Because of our different likes and dislikes it’s easier to connect with some people over others. But at these two gatherings there were three girls with whom I really connect and I know they felt comfortable with me because they would call me  ‘mom’. For me this was a reminder that to be a mother you don’t need biological kids. Is this a sign from God? I don’t know but I know it is causing me to restart discerning religious life.

Actually it was really funny because I am working with the priest in this community and naturally I would call him Father. So these girls put two and two together and they said that Father was their actual father and I was their mother. They said that they were our children. I thought it was really cute but I also hope that this doesn’t get taken out of context, haha. I don’T have biological kids but I do have my adopted kids. I am always ready to be a mother to those who are in need.

What a scary thought… Me? a Mother? I’m not ready to be a mother…. or am I? Oh too many questions….

-My Catholic Living