I wrote this poem earlier this year and I figured it was time that I shared it with the wider community. I’m also looking for feedback on how I could make it better.
CHILD NUMBER 8
Being child number 7 the expectations are greater
number 8, how are you handling all that pressure?
I just wanted you to look up to you big sister.
But things are not like they seem.
I once took that drink just to fit in
but that was a monster I let in.
Tossing and turning I swear I’d stop
until it became a cycle of loss.
Trust me, number 8, things are not like they seem.
I hid behind that smiling face
convincing myself everything’s ok
one more song, one more dance, one more drink I’d say
the sun is up, oh shucks it’s day.
Number 8, you’re growing, discovering yourself, still in school
don’t worry about being that unique fish in the pool.
Once in a pool you have no where to go
swimming round n’ round going with the flow.
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I’m really dropping the ball on this blogging thing. It’s not that I’ve forgotten to write it’s that I just
haven’t been making the time the time for it I’ve been making excuses to not write. On a side note, I’ve actually been journaling a lot, I even wrote a few poems, I just haven’t been posting things.
I know, I know, I’m making more excuses but eh, nothing I can do about it now. Actually… YES…. there’s much that I can do and I’m asking your help to keep me accountable to blogging. If you notice that I haven’t been blogging do send me a friendly reminder saying yo bruh you’re failing at blogging. I promise that I won’t slam the door on your nose next time you visit.
To keep you update on my Australian NET journey I do have to say that things have been pretty rocky these past few weeks but really great at the same time. As I was told by someone I greatly admire there are three stages to living in community.
- The honeymoon stage where everything is unicorns, lollypops and butterflies.
- The you’re an idiot stage where everything is someone else’s fault and I’m the perfect person
- The wait a second… I’m and idiot too stage where you realize that you’re not as perfect as you thought.
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Here goes the last push of the my time in the Archdiocese. I do have to say that it will be really hard for me to leave because of all the contacts and good friends I’ve made. My eyes water just to the thought of leaving (who put these onions here?)
Just as I was going to write about the upcoming weeks a song came up and the lyrics made so much sense. Now, I know that many of you know this song by Kenny Rogers, The Gambler, but I’m going to dig a bit in some of the lyrics. I know what I’m about to say isn’t exactly fitting with the rest of the song but eh, it’s what caught my attention.
You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, know when to run.
This reminds me of God’s will and how sometimes (often) we try to do our own will.
Ego, in my opinion stands for Edging God Out as when we think about ourselves we completely forget about God. This line reminds me of the spirit of discernment. We have to know when to pursue something, when to put it on
the back burner and when to stop. If it’s meant to be God will bring it up again. Know when to run. Run when you know it’s not God’s will as it will only cause disaster.
Every gambler knows that the secret to survivin’ is knowin’ what to throw away and knowin’ what to keep. ‘Cause every hand’s a winner and every hand’s a loser.
Knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep. If you have a friends that always complains and keeps talking about themselves and you can never share what is on your mind. Is that a throw away or a keep? Read the rest of this entry
I just wanted a catchy title…..
Hello dear family and friends:
Community life is so wonderful! Since 2013 I have had the opportunity to experience community life with the Catholic Outreach Team and the Sisters of Holy Cross. Over the past 18 months I have been working as Coordinator of Youth Ministry for the Archdiocese of Keewatin-Le Pas.
I am overjoyed at the countless interesting experiences I have encountered and have decided that it’s time for me to take the next step. Over the past couple years I have felt a call to religious life, an option I am seriously considering. Let me share with you how two young boys in Haiti pushed me towards the pursuit of this vocation.
One school day, I was sitting in front of the convent, writing in my journal. I remember it being a bright sunny day. There
were two boys playing foutbòl (Soccer in Haitian Creole).
Exhausted, they came and sat beside me and we started chatting. I asked them why they weren’t in school. They quickly replied by sharing part of their life story. Their father had been in a motorcycle accident which left him with mental problems and he soon abandoned his wife and kids. Their mother wasn’t able to take care of her boys so she gave them away to her sister, their aunt. This woman had kids of her own and when they had food in the house (which wasn’t often) it would go to her own kids first. If there were leftovers, only then would these two boys get to eat. These kids were bl
essed with a coconut tree and if they were really hungry they would climb the tree to drink the coconut water and eat the coconut.
This situation really opened my eyes in realizing how many things I have but don’t really need. How can I live such a materialistic life when these kids don’t even know when they will have a full meal again?
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Tonight I feel like a complete failure. We have so many youth in the archdiocese and I wish I could meet all of them and talk about Jesus but I can’t. Why was I gloomy last week? It’s because I got a message from someone telling me that there were three suicides in one of our communities. I did not deal with those news too well. These are not the news you want to hear or even expect to hear.
I might not of known these girls very well but I still know that they were important to many but also to me. All the youth in the Archdiocese of Keewatin-Le Pas have a special place in my heart. They are the reason why I’m here in the north, they have shaped me to be a better woman and taught me to serve our God in an even better way. But it’s when things like this happen, I feel like I am to blame even though I know it’s not my fault.
I was watching a movie with one of my housemates while surfing through Facebook and I saw something new, another suicide. I was devastated, went to my room and shed more tears. We lost four girls in less than a week, why is this happening? One of them was only 10 years old, a tragedy. Read the rest of this entry
Snow at the beginning of October? Yes! Snow at the beginning of October!
The weather has been pretty gloomy, I haven’t seen the sun for over 10 days. It all started with rain. Rain that caused a swimming pool in the yard then it froze leading to ice and snow.
Don’t get me wrong, I really like snow but I prefer snow when the sun is out as well. As I mentioned, it’s been very gloomy, dark and I would even describe it as depressing. Snow, snow, snow and more snow, hey! Let is snow! Let it snow! Let is sno-oh-o!
Winter is not here yet, I refuse to accept that! I’m a strong believer of Fall, a time for pumpkin pie, turkey, stuffing and fresh veggies. This year the fresh veggies are a bit different, we have sweet carrots (because they froze), frozen tomatoes and potatoes that are still in the garden because we can’t get them under all that snow.
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Oh tough questions! Here is what I found in my research. If you don’t feel like reading and just want to get straight to the point I suggest you just read the last quote from Forerunner Commentary, makes one think.
- Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I am only joking!”Proverbs 26:18-19
- Children were mocking and teasing Elisha, and 2 bears came out and mauled them. See 2 Kings 2:23-24
- Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered. Proverbs 11:13
- Be careful about what you say. Don’t say something without thinking. See Proverbs 29:11
- No foul word should ever cross your lips; let your words be for the improvement of others, as occasion offers, and do good to your listeners; Ephesians 4:29
- Don’t speak foolishness, no innuendo, no swearing or rude jokes, instead be thankful.See Ephesians 5:4
- And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right.James 3:10
- There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers. Proverbs 6:16-19
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Spiritual pride, many suffer from it AND they don’t even realize how their spiritual pride is affecting others. By the way, pride is a deadly sin…
When one says things like Salvation won’t come to you because you do this and that… then this person is putting themselves on a pedestal, they are making themselves better than the other person. Remember, when you’re pointing the finger at someone three other fingers are point your direction.
You cannot be half a saint; you must be a whole saint or no saint at all. St. Therese of Lisieux
Actually, someone once said this to me I will keep on bullying as long as I can convert others. In my opinion there is much pride in that statement. Bullying is never right and everyone in their right mind should agree with that. Bullying means taking advantage of someone. Is taking advantage of someone ever a good thing? NO! Never! A bully tries to show others that they are the boss and that they are better than everyone else, they belittle others.
There’s a lot of I in that statement. It’s all about me!
…until I can convert other. Who converts who? Doesn’t conversion come from God? Isn’t conversion a choice that has to come from within? We can help bring conversion but we can’t convert someone. Sounds like this person was trying to take credit for God’s work. Read the rest of this entry
I can’t bare the thought of being in a safe home not needing to worry about my family while everyone in Haiti is preparing to take cover. My heart is completely torn apart.
I really didn’t think I left my heart in Haiti until I went to WYD. Haitians are very patriotic so whenever I spotted one walking around I went out of my way to speak with them in their own language. The more I spoke with them the more I fell in love with the country again. I lost a lot of my Haitian Créole but I could still hold a basic conversation with them.
It was always great to see their reaction!
Eh! Kijan nou ye?
Nou byen…. ou pale Kreyol?????
Hey! How are you?
We’re fine…. you speak Créole?????
Their reaction was like why is this white woman speaking our language? It just doesn’t make sense! We’ve been caught as we can’t talk in the secret of our language. Read the rest of this entry
Ok!!!!! I have some super great news for you! It is official! I’m going to Australia in January!!!!!!
As many of you know I’ve been discerning religious life for a while and have many fears about taking the next step. To help me with this I decided (with the help of God) to join something called NET (National Evangelization Team).
This peer to peer, value-driven ministry is very effective because it offers a radical alternative to what is offered by society at present. NET teams bring their own positive stories, struggles, their willingness to listen and relate on a youthful level, this is indispensable.
As a member of NET I will deepen my faith, strengthen my relationship with God all by sharing the Gospel with others. What better way to discern religious life than with other young adults? Read the rest of this entry